To my dearest darling Fariha,

I wanna say sorry for every single thing I have done wrong to you, since our first day together. For the times which I've hurt you whether direct or indirectly, knowing or unknowingly. I know you deserve much better and there's no stopping me on being a better person. You have made me grown up and mature more. Being with you, you taught me how to love life. How to love without money. You taught me how love is an unbreakable bond that is so strong, no obstacles can shatter it. We've gone through alot as a couple and yet we are still here. Being with you is a blessing and joy. Holding you in my arms are moments that the world around us just remain still. I don't want anger to consume you and I will do my part to put my ego in my wardrobe. I want what's best for us and I want us to have the life we desire and not the life for survival. I can't do this alone. I need you and God knows that I need you. Every moment of my life.

How could I ever be grateful enough to have you by my side? No amount of words can ever describe how much I miss you. It's been so long since I've missed you this much. When you're not with me, I realised how I miss being sweet to you. Everyday I get a chance to see your face, I become a cheeky boy. You bring out that cheeky boy in me, and only you have that power to do that. But when I don't get to see your face, that cheeky boy is sleeping and this sweetness start to develop. Knowing that I'm missing you so much, that sweetness grows and it makes me so addicted to you, and all that ideas of finding ways to impress you, surprise you, romanticise you and make you feel speical comes back. When you're not with me, the closest thing I have of you is your photo in my wallet. It's enough to keep me motivated and going. You know what I miss the most baby? I miss our gentleness and passion being alone together with you, whether it's under the stars or on a 'stolen' rattan mat by the beach. (giggling) It is those times where everything around me just fades and worries just disappear, and looking into your eyes while you smile and telling you how much I love you, to me, is the richest feeling I will ever feel. I miss that and I miss you.

You are my life and without you, my world will have the worst natural disaster of all.

I love you very much. More than you'll ever know.

                                                                                                                                  Love,
                                                                                                                             Raynor Beins
                                                                                                                               xxxxooooo

There will never be a time in your life when you say that I've grown, because inevitably and evidently no matter how old we are, we are constantly growing, and that's what life is all about. Challenges make you grow. Obstacles make you grow. Relationships make you grow. Education. Family. Work life. Experiences in all walks of life will somehow make you grow and we all want to grow to be a better person. When we put all these opportunities or factors together, ask yourself, can you tell yourself, "You know what? I feel I've grown alot since this incident had happened or that event occured or whatever the issue may be"? I feel that the moment we say, "Yes I've grown" means we've overcome something. It means we have achieved something. We learned from that situation and that chapter in our life. Does it have to be a great challenge in order for us to realise our growth? No. It doesn't matter whether the problem is big or small. At the end of the day, it ultimately boils down to who? To YOU. The great thing in life is that when individuals face problems, even in family, do you realise that you become stronger? Why? Because individuals from family will put their differences aside and work together as one to face up to this problem. It creates a stronger bond. It helps you separate the good from the bad. The irrelevant from the relevant. Love from hate.

This is what life is about. This is one aspect of the growing process. The great thing about all these is that, at the end of the day, have you become a better person? If not, then have you learnt what went wrong and how you can improve on that weakness to become a better person? People say that life is unfair. But when you look at it from both angles, there will always be that essence of hope and gratefulness.

Recently I've just been having lots of thoughts about life. I find it interesting though because I never knew my mind could think in this manner. haha.

P.S I love you